its a slow fade, a slow ache.
singing that song, seeing your brother's face.

questions, with no answers.
feigned ignorance.
then, we jus end it with a fleeting smile,
and choose,

to put it aside.
not forget, because you can never forget.

so smile, and toast to a gd concert.

Saigo no kisu wa
tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love love songu
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasuretakunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naite iru
Anatawo omotterun darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love love song
Now and forever

you dont know the strange, tangled feelings
seeing your dad on the driveway
that car plate i cant forget.

and how i see your brother around still
giving me quiet stares
leaving me half-guessing.

and pain when our songs play
on the radio, at the cafes
shadows of where we used to be.

they echo thru eternity,
the new feeling of jadedness harboured
go, far away, leave me alone.

may, seventeenth.
half-circle for some, full circle for others.
and still, more to come.

thanks for talking to me,
because you remind me how much this isnt supposed to be.
this isnt what i want.

and so i thank you,
despite all.

oh Lord, give me strength.
to walk on.

this hole i dug
'tis not large enough
to bury the past.

the deeper i dig
the shallower the hole
as memories grow, with time.

recidivist in me
looks for what-may-have-beens
locked in subconscious dilemmas
of struggles between the soul and mind.

stop, dont look back.
you've got to keep walking this tightrope
and not find out
if it has snapped someway behind,
taking all i have
with you as you fall away.

this hole i dug
'tis not large enough
to bury the past.

the deeper i dig
the shallower the hole
as memories grow, with time.

recidivist in me
looks for what-may-have-beens
locked in subconscious dilemmas
of struggles between the soul and mind.

stop, dont look back.
you've got to keep walking this tightrope
and not find out
if it has snapped someway behind,
taking all i have
with you as you fall away.

Dahil sa iyo
Nais kong mabuhay
Dahil sa iyo
Hanggang mamatay

Dapat mong tantuin
Wala nang ibang giliw
Puso ko’y tanungin
Ikaw at ikaw rin

Dahil sa ‘yo
Ako’y lumigaya
Pagmamahal
Ay alayan ka
Kung tunay man ako
Ay alipinin mo
Ang lahat sa buhay ko’y
Dahil sa ‘yo

surreal, that was how it felt.
come and gone, like the wind.

speaking of wind,
im sitting by my bay window,
loving the quite-strong breeze coming in
messing up my hair and hugging me in a slight chill.
sunny day,
and i should be happy.

yesterday i went to hospital.
scary stuff, but thank God im safe and sound.

late night at eleven thirty, and i broke down into tears.
uncontrollable tears.
because of one sms that said

Hey Ning, I miss you.
Sorry...

and for that, the streaks of wetness didnt stop till two plus am.
and part of me wished i read it on time to reply.
cried and cried and cried.

i miss you, too.

yet, so?
that doesnt change anything, right?
=(